You'll Be Strong
by Samantha5
Summary: Part of a sick and crazy social circle, Drue and Jen must face not only the harsh realites of the world they live in, but also the realities of their relationship. Set in the past.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Dawson's Creek, nor have any affiliation with the show or anyone who works for it. I just use the characters for my stories. Any copyright infringement is purely unintentional, and not meant for monetary gain. 

Setting: Takes place in NYC, when Drue and Jen are freshman's in high school. 

Feedback: Send feedback to Dawsonsdiva14@aol.com or review YBS on the web site. 

Read More: More of my work is available at my web page: http://samanthacarlin.tripod.com/samsdcfic

Part 1

It was dark. The house-like apartment buzzed with a depressed and empty silence. A young teenager sat curled up on a leather chair, her knees pulled up to her chest and her chin rested lightly on top of them. She gazed into the orange and yellow flickering fire; it was the only source of light in the room at that moment. A cold hand fell lightly on the girl's bare shoulder and she sat up straight at the sudden touch. "Hey." He whispered, his black locks falling over his eyes as he gazed down at the girl. 

"Uuuhg...what do you want, Drue?" Jen pushed herself up out of her position and she turned around to face him. 

A fourteen-year old Drue shrugged slightly. "I'm bored." 

Jen sighed and stood up, adjusting her body hugging black tank top. She brought her hands back behind her head, running them over her blonde hair. "How'd you get in here anyway?" 

"You left the door unlocked." He reached over, switching on a tall lamp. A small pool of yellow light illuminated the right side of his face. 

"Oh." She furrowed her brow, "I guess I forgot…"

"Yeah." He breathed in and out heavily. Jen turned her face away from Drue's and she looked back into the fire. She was still in the clothes she had worn that night: a revealing tank top and form fitting pants. Drue, on the other hand, was dressed in black sweatpants and a white tee shirt. He gazed at the shadows of the fire flickering on Jen's profile for a few moments; he wondered desperately what she was thinking about. "So, um…you…have fun tonight?" He broke the dark silence and Jen turned to look at him again. 

She shrugged. "I guess. Another night, another party."

"Another 20 year old man?" 

Her mouth opened slightly, and then she looked away, almost ashamed of herself for a moment. "At least I get some." She finally responded coldly. 

Drue let out a deep laugh. "I get plenty, thank you. You're just always too busy with your pedophiles to notice."

"Pedophiles? Wow…Drue Valentine learned a big word. I'm proud, really." 

"Oh bite me, Jen. I may not have a different girl every night, but at least when I'm with someone it's actually legal for me to be with them."

"Oh please Drue it's not like you're a stranger to all things that are illegal."

"Ok, fine, you got me there…but this isn't good Jen. You're better than those sleazy guys."

She took in a deep breath of air, turning her face away from Drue again. Her tone suddenly turned soft and insecure. "Am I?" She said as she looked back at him slowly. 

Drue swallowed and stepped towards Jen. She had a desperate expression and she looked at him, her deep hazel eyes pleading for him to say something. "Yes," he nodded and wrapped his big arms around her small waist gingerly, pulling her close to him. "You are so much better than them."

She began to sob softly into Drue's chest, her arms pressed up against his stomach. "Then how come I don't feel better?"

He wanted to say something, to give her an answer to her question. There was nothing he could say though. He didn't know how to answer her. "Shhh…" was all he could mutter, and she continued to cry softly as he held her close, trying to comfort her the best that he could. 

**- - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

"What the hell?" Mr. Lindley stood over the couch, looking down at Jen and Drue. She lay with her head on his chest; his arms stretched around her. They had fallen to sleep together the night before, after Jen's crying subsided and they began to talk about frivolous, teen-age things. 

Mrs. Lindley walked into the living room and over to her husband. "What are you looking at?" She followed his gaze. "Aw…how sweet." She smiled. He just shrugged and walked away. His wife followed him. "You know, there's nothing to worry about. Jen and Drue have been friends forever. I'm sure they were just hanging out and fell to sleep." She glanced at the couch. "They look so innocent." 

Mr. Lindley let out a surrendering sigh. "Right. It's just a father's paranoia catching up with me."

Jen began to stir in her sleep. The bright white beams shining through the windows hit her face, forcing her out of her dreamless slumber. She sat up groggily, running a hand through her hair and looking back at Drue. "Oh G-d," she muttered to herself as she stretched her arms behind her head. 

Drue groaned and sat up, he woke up just about the same time she did, "All you say is 'oh G-d?" He questioned, "No, 'good-morning honey what would you like for breakfast?"

Jen couldn't help laughing. "Good morning, honey." She mocked, "What would you like for breakfast?"

"Two eggs, scrambled, bacon and…hmm…throw some fresh fruit in there too." He grinned at her.

She tossed a pillow at him and rolled her eyes. 

"Well good morning you two." Mrs. Lindley walked over to them, holding two bowls of cereal and some orange juice. She placed them on the coffee table. "Must have lost track of time last night."

Drue looked up at Mrs. Lindley. "Yeah…I hope I'm not bothering you."

"No…never. I'll just give your mother a call to tell her where you are." Mrs. Lindley looked to Jen, who was now shoveling some Special K into her mouth. "You fell to sleep in your clothes last night."

Jen swallowed the cereal before speaking. "Yeah…I was going to change but…" she shrugged, "sleep just caught up with me I guess."

Mrs. Lindley nodded. "I understand. Your new pants are all wrinkled though."

"Mom, they'll be fine. You can take them to the cleaners or whatever." 

She laughed lightly to herself. "I know. You two have any plans for today?"

Drue and Jen caught each other's gaze from the corners of their eyes.

"Not as of yet." He answered.

"Don't you have to get to the spa or something?" Jen asked her mother, trying to change the subject.

Mrs. Lindley laughed lightly to herself. "I suppose so. Be good, Jennifer."

Drue resisted his urge to laugh.

"Of course, Mom." She smiled sweetly and watched her mother disappear out of the door. "We will be doing nothing today." Jen turned to him.

"Why? What'd I do?" 

"Because I have plans. Laura and I are going shopping. And besides, why would I spend the day with you?" 

He looked away, hiding his hurt expression, and then looked back to Jen with a new bite in his eyes. "I don't know why I even considered wanting to spend the day with you and your shallow adventures. How much fun would it be accompanying you to some over priced store where the sales people know you, your mother and your maid by name? " He took a sip of orange juice from the medium sized glass. 

"Probably not much." She said back. "But what about you, what fine drugs do you plan on purchasing this afternoon?" Jen asked with the same cutting tone. 

"Depends on my mood. Anything you want me to buy you?" He smirked.

"Mmm…" Jen took a large sip of her juice before answering, "not really. I'll just have some of whatever you buy."

Drue nodded. "Sounds good. Do you know what's going on tonight?"

"Greg said something about a party in Soho. I don't have all the details yet. You know, the address, the time…but some kid who goes to La Guardia…his parents are out of town…and supposedly he's got a kick ass loft."

"And how do we know this person?"

"He's Greg's friend or something. I don't really know."

"Whatever. It sounds good to me." 

"Yeah, me too. I have to buy an outfit." 

"How much money did Daddy leave for you today?"

Jen stood up, taking the empty bowls and glasses. "I don't know. Why don't we go check?"

Drue followed Jen into the kitchen. She set down the dishes on the black granite counter-top, her eyes searching the space for a few green bills. Jen found them finally and proceeded across the kitchen to the refrigerator. Five twenty-dollar bills sat on the counter next to it. Drue watched Jen awkwardly, almost not sure what to say at this point. He wanted to just get away from her but at the same time all he wanted was to be close to her, always. These feelings seemed to have come from absolutely nowhere, and he was trying so hard to suppress them and make them go away. But they wouldn't go away. He couldn't help caring about her, no how hard he tried not to.

Jen looked back at Drue, "Don't you have things to do…somewhere to be or something?" 

Drue swallowed and tucked a piece of falling hair behind his ear, "Not really. But since you're so quick to dismiss me…I'm sure I can find something to do in that cold house of mine…" Drue began turning around, pushing his pain away. 

She sighed as she watched him, folding the bills into her back pocket, "Hey…wait…"

Drue turned around and looked at her. His big, dark eyes met with her hazel ones. Their stare was intense. "So?" He finally said after a short pause. 

"I don't know…" She said, "I just felt bad all of a sudden." Drue looked down. "Do you maybe want to…just hang out for awhile? I don't have to go out for a few hours…and you can watch TV or something while I shower…"

"You know what, Jen?" Drue interrupted, "It's really not all that important, and frankly I don't feel like hanging around if you're just going to be a bitch. So, I'll see you later. Have fun spending Daddy's money." He smirked.

Jen looked to the side, "Have fun buying your designer drugs." She articulated with a snide expression. 

"Yeah…I will." He rolled his eyes and walked out of Jen's kitchen.

She watched him go; he was so annoying sometimes, most of the times, actually. She knew he cared though, she knew that she would always be able to turn to him for support and comfort. Like the night before, he showed unconditional love when she wept into his chest, and there was gratefulness for that inside of her that she couldn't express out loud. Those moments were rare though, and when they surfaced she never knew what to do. She'd push him away usually out of pure fear. Getting physically close was easy for her, it was the emotional part that she couldn't do. Maybe it was because of the way her parents were like business people with her. They'd give her what would be good for **them, what would be good for their 'business.' When they showed any type of care or concern for her, Jen could never feel like it was purely for her. She didn't want to flat out say that her parents were selfish socialites, but she knew that's what they were, and it hurt her to even admit that in the slightest, because it made it all the more clear to her how much they didn't care. But Drue…when he did care he cared so much. He'd often be her savior; he'd find her at just the right moments, whether she be on the brink of doing something really insane, or crying and shivering somewhere as she came back from an Ecstasy high, he'd help her home and into her bed. He never asked to be thanked or for her to do something in return; it was genuine selflessness on his part. It was a selflessness that she couldn't reciprocate, because sometimes she just wished he would have left her there, that he would have let her do something really insane. She wanted him to stop meddling in her life, and let her live the way she chose to. If her parents let her do whatever she wanted, why wouldn't he? He was doing almost all of the same things that she was; in her opinion he had no right to be telling her what was good for her and what wasn't. Drue didn't know what he was talking about, she often told herself, even though hiding deep down inside of her was the fact that he really did.    **


	2. Part 2

Part 2 

Tight blue jeans clung to her body as she confidently walked down Fifth Avenue. Her salon-straightened, shiny blonde hair blew behind her in the mid-afternoon breeze and a purse her mother had purchased for her at Barney's hung on her bare shoulder. Clad in a red halter-top, Jen looked more like seventeen then almost fifteen years old. The girl that walked next to her, Laura, walked with the same confident stride, and her long brunette hair was tied up in a messy bun on top of her head. She turned her pretty face upwards as men and teenage boys blatantly looked both girls up and down, while some that drove by beeped or whistled. 

"Another day…" She looked to Jen and smirked slightly.

"Another day…" Jen breathed out with a sigh.

Laura furrowed her brow, "Is something wrong?" 

Jen looked at Laura, a small smile curled up from one side of her mouth, "No…" she shook her head, "no, nothing at all." 

"Well that's good," She smiled and pulled open the door to a store, "We couldn't have Jennifer Lindley being upset the day of what's supposed to be the most rocking party _ever, now could we?"_

Jen laughed slightly, "No…I guess we couldn't…" she entered the store behind her friend, "I mean, if I'm in a bad mood, man that will really ruin the morale of the whole shindig…you know, because I _am what makes every party a party to remember." Jen grinned at her friend as they browsed through the racks of high priced pants and shirts. _

"Your tone may be sarcastic, but you know it's the truth." She glanced at her from of the corner of her eye. "When you're not around people want to know where you are, and when you are there you're all anybody can look at." Laura pulled a small, dark purple spaghetti strapped dress off of a rack. "This," she handed it to Jen, "would look so cute on you."

"You think?" She smiled and held the dress up to herself in front of a nearby mirror. 

"Oh yeah," Laura raised her freshly waxed eyebrows and nodded as she looked at Jen in the mirror. "Everyone will be all over you in that thing."

"Please," Jen rolled her eyes, "I could wear a potato sack and they'd be all over me."

Laura laughed, "Oh my g-d shut up!" She threw a shirt she was holding at Jen. 

Jen jumped back a little, catching the shirt against her stomach. "Hey!" She threw it back at Laura. 

The girls laughed, and Laura placed the shirt back on the table she had gotten it from. "Now," she said, "to find something for me…"

**- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -    **

Drue strolled down a street in the city, his hands in the pockets of his dark jeans. His right hand clutched the crisp fifty-dollar bill in his pocket. The exchange would be smooth, it would be easy and it would be quick. Even if you were standing there watching, you wouldn't even know what had just gone on. You'd think it was just a handshake, a friendly "what's up." His dark eyes searched the street corner, and a tall, probably seventeen-year-old boy dressed in light jeans and a black t-shirt nodded at Drue. Drue nodded back, lifting his chin and flashing a wry smile. 

"Hey man," the older boy said, putting out his hand. Drue pulled his right hand out of his pocket, grasping the other boy's hand, making sure the bill was secure in his palm. Their thumbs locked in a "secret handshake" and as they pulled their hands away from each other's, Drue closed his hand, locking the small bag in his grasp, and put it back in his pocket smoothly, as did the other boy.

"So, are you going to the party tonight?" Drue asked, keeping his hands in his pockets.

"I hope so. Depends if my girl will let me." He pushed a piece of his blonde hair out of his face.

Drue nodded. "Okay. Well, thanks man. I'll see you later maybe."

The boy nodded. "It's nice doing business with ya." He smirked, turned, and then headed down the street.

Drue grinned to himself, satisfied with the effortless exchange that had just been made. It went down just as he had expected, and he fingered the plastic of the bag that contained five small pills in his pocket as he shook the hair out of his eyes in the soft breeze blowing through the city. He thought about what the party was going to be like tonight, what girls were going to be there, and what various assortments of drugs and alcohol there would be available. He didn't think about Jen, though; he forced himself not to think about her. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Well you can think whatever you want, Jenny, I personally think Drue is mighty fine." Laura raised one side of her mouth in a smile as they walked further down Fifth Ave, a small shopping bag hung on her wrist next to her gold bracelet. 

Jen rolled her eyes, "That's ridiculous! He's…" She shuddered, her face scrunching up in a grossed out expression, "Drue…uuhg." 

Laura chuckled slightly, "I think you need to get your eyes checked, hon."

"I think you need to get your head examined," Jen rebutted, "I don't see where this sudden interest in Drue comes from anyway."

"I've always been interested…" She shrugged, "I've just never…verbalized it before." 

"I'm just going to warn you, Laur, he can be such a dick sometimes." Jen cautioned. 

"You think I don't know that? I'm just as good of friends with him as you." 

Jen sighed, "Yeah you're right. He's just not worth messing around with, in my opinion."

"Why, you know from experience?"

"Yes, actually." 

Laura raised an interested eyebrow. "Explain, please." 

Jen hesitated to answer. Her mind was sifting though and running over everything that had happened between her and Drue, and Laura looked at her out of the corner of her with anticipation. "Okay…" Jen finally began, opening the door to a coffee shop and walking in a step in front of her friend. "The first thing that comes to mind is the whole incident where he first betrayed my trust…the drugs slash money slash lying thing. I'm sure you heard about it. Jen pushed an errant strand of golden hair away from her face and stepped forward in line, clutching the strap of her purse with one hand while the other fished through the pocketbook for her wallet. 

Laura shook her head. "I have no idea, actually. I tried to find out…but no one would tell me about it."

Jen raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Wow…okay…just hold on." She paused to order a tall café latte and Laura ordered a fancy tea of some sort. "Anyway," Jen explained as they carried their drinks to a secluded table in the back corner of the café. "I gave Drue one-hundred dollars to buy me some E and a few joint and he comes back to me later that day empty handed, with my one-hundred bucks no where in sight."

Laura took a sip of her tea, keeping her eyes up on Jen.

"So, he proceeds to tell me the drugs were stolen from him by some guy on the subway. The scenario seemed plausible for about half an hour, then I talk to Andrew, who tells me Drue smoked the joints and sold the E."

Her mouth dropping, Laura's eyes widened at Jen. "The son of a bitch…" 

"Wait, it gets better." She sipped her coffee and continued speaking, "Of course I confronted him. I wanted my money back. At first, that's all it was about. Whatever, he came up with an excuse to make himself look better, I understood his reasoning and wasn't so pissed off that I would yell at him, so I just asked him what happened and he proceeded to lie to me about it again and again for about three days. Then I talked to someone else about it and he said Drue was bullshitting me, so I confronted him again, this time angry about being lied to, calling him a liar and selfish and all that good stuff. He finally admitted it, offering to give me the money back, but it wasn't about the money anymore. He broke my trust in him and from then on things were shot between us in my opinion."

"But I don't get it, Jenny, things seem great between you two…"

"Only sometimes. I'm usually just pretending I like the guy, you know, to spare the few feelings he has."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Drue and Greg sat in the stairwell of Drue's building on 5th Avenue, the freshly cleaned stone of the stairs almost sparkled. Greg blew a large pink bubble gum bubble and popped it in between his teeth. The cracking sound echoed though the empty stairwell.

"So, who you hookin' up with tonight?" Greg asked, chewing his gum loudly and obnoxiously. 

Drue shrugged, "I don't know. I'll see what happens as the night unfolds. You?"

"Same, I guess, I'll be aiming for the lovely Jenny though…mm mm mm…what I'd give to tap that ass."

Drue almost winced but hid it by brushing a piece of hair behind his ear. "Jenny? Why would you want her? She's been around, man, who knows what diseases she might have."

Greg shook his head. "Don't do this shit again, Drue."

"What?" Drue responded, giving his friend a weird look.

"Don't go bad mouthing her in a vain attempt to her for yourself. She doesn't want you man, so give it up. Didn't you learn that from the whole Chris incident? They really liked each other."

"Oh that's such bullshit! You know it. I know it. She felt diddly fuck for him. Those tears she cried were all an act for the attention she starves for."

Greg rolled his eyes, "Whatever, Drue. It doesn't matter anymore. I was just saying…ya know…she's hot."

Drue sighed. "She's a bitch."

"Okay then," Greg nodded, "A hot bitch." He grinned at Drue and they burst out laughing. The bellowing sound drifted up and down the stairs.    

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Laura turned away and rolled her eyes to herself before turning back to Jen. "I still don't see why you think he's such a jerk…"

"Okay…" Jen looked at Laura weirdly. "do you want to hear something else?"

Laura shrugged, her attitude suddenly turning cold. "I've heard plenty as it is. Honestly I don't care about what he 'did to you' at all…because it's not going to change my desire for him by any means…"

Jen let out a hurt breath of air. Mixed in with the pain was disgust and disbelief. "Well thanks for being honest." She voiced sarcastically. 

"Anytime." Laura flashed Jen a fake half smile. 

Rolling her eyes, Jen picked up her bags from underneath the table. "I guess I'll see you later then." She swiped the coffee cup off of the table and tossed it in the garbage on her way to the door.

As she walked back towards her house she wondered why the hell she hung out with half the people she did. The female half, in particular. All they did was compare, compete, and pretend to be your friend until suddenly a guy gets involved. The superficial bullshit they prided themselves on was enough to make Jen want to puke. But she knew she probably looked just like the rest of them to everyone else: fake and shallow. She didn't want to look like that though; she wanted to be her own, deep and interesting person. She felt stuck though. Stuck in the girl everyone knew and loved, the life of the party, the hottest girl in the room, the girl who everyone thought she was. Who she really was, Jen could never let anyone see, because she didn't like the real her that existed after the drugs or alcohol wore off. She didn't feel like she was acceptable, or anything special like people made her out to be. And she never let anyone get even the slightest glimpse of just how unstable and defenseless she was. Except for Drue. As much as she claimed to hate him, as loud as she screamed that he was untrustworthy and a horrible friend, she knew that he was the only one she'd show her weak and vulnerable side to. Why she chose Drue of all people…well the story behind that it is short and simple. He was there. He's always been there, and would always continue to be there. By now one would have thought Drue would have given up on Jen, but he didn't. He believed in her and knew her like no one else did, and it killed Jen to admit it, because she felt like such a liar claiming to despise the boy when she really knew just how much she loved him. Loved as in a platonic love, like one has for a best friend. And that's what they were. Best friends. 


	3. Part 3

Part 3 

Could it actually be THAT simple? Jen thought as she picked up the portable phone off of its receiver in her bedroom. She stared at the gray keys for a few moments, grappling with dialing the numbers. What she wanted to say shouldn't be this hard, actually it wasn't hard at all. Then why was her heart beating a mile a minute, why was her dialing finger shaking slightly? Inhaling deeply, she lowered her finger onto the number four, holding her breath through dialing the last number of nine, and the three rings of the telephone until a deepening voice picked up. 

"Hello?" Drue sat up on his kitchen counter, cradling the phone in the crook of his neck while his hands tossed a green apple back and forth between them. 

"Hey." Jen finally breathed out.

"Jenny…" He replied, holding the "e" sound of the y for a few seconds. "how may I service you?"

Jen swallowed nervously. "I…just wanted to say…" she groped, "wanted to tell you…"

Drue lifted an eyebrow on the other side. "Spit it out, Lindley." He placed the apple at his side. 

Taking in a deep breath of air, she hesitated. She let out the breath quickly as she came up with something else to say "I wanted to ask you if you wanted to walk to the party together."  Jen shut her eyes tightly and hit the heel of her palm on her forehead. That wasn't what she wanted to say, but she just couldn't give him the pleasure of hearing it, because it would only serve to enlarge his already large ego, or so she thought.

Drue sighed. "And I actually thought you were going to say something serious." He was silent for a moment. "But, sure I figured that went without saying, considering we do live only two floors away from each other. "

She let out a fake chuckle that covered the sound of disappointment in her voice, "Yeah…I guess I'm a little out of it today."

"Oh?" Drue questioned, "Why's that?"

Jen shrugged. "I'm not sure." She lied.

"Oh." His tone was flat. "Well if you do figure it out you can always talk to me about it."

"I know." Jen replied. "Believe me, I know."

He nodded. "Okay then…" There was a brief silence between the two. "I guess I'll see you in the lobby at nine then."

"Yeah. The lobby at nine."

"Bye Jen." Drue said softly in an almost out of character way.

Jen smiled. "You called me Jen."

Drue furrowed his brow. "I did?"

"Uh huh." She laughed a little.

"Wow...I've called you Jen like three times in my entire life."

"Yeah I know. Okay well, see you later then."

"Yup. Later." 

Simultaneously, they both hung up.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Darkness enveloped the vast apartment, the shadowy gray color of the night blanketing the furnishings like a soft, fresh snow. There was no reason for her to be sneaking about in the dark; she had nothing to be sneaking from. Her parents had gone out, as usual, and probably would not be back until the wee hours of the night. So in all reality she had nothing to fear. She had never been caught returning from a party, club, or some guy's apartment or dorm room, and probably never would be, because she could always come up with the excuse that she had fallen to sleep watching a movie at Drue's. It was that simple. Her parents were that easy to fool. Jen wondered if their friends and colleagues fooled them so easily. She sighed, resigning her troubling thoughts of her troubled parents for the time being. It was exhausting to dwell on the inner workings of those two, and it was scary that she even thought about the inner workings of her parents, but that was also a subject to be repressed. She stepped off the last stair of the grand flight of steps and paused to look around at the black drenched house, debating switching on a lamp a few feet away. But she decided against it, because the blackness was comforting, just as it blanketed the apartment it covered her in the same way, concealing true form and creating illusion and mystery. Everything was blurry under the sheet of the night. It was not possible to see a single genuine structure in the murkiness, from the furniture all the way to Jen. In the dark, she was more confident, more at ease, because what she thought was to her avail, you couldn't see her clearly.         

The door shut softly behind Jen, and after locking it, she stepped a forward a few feet and pressed the down button on the elevator. Her apartment was the only one on the floor, just like the other three in the building. The apartment was actually two vast floors of large rooms with high ceilings and long hallways all in itself. A small, rectangular foyer separated the elevator from the door in to her house. The floor was a golden wood and a glass table pressed against the wall on the left side of the door. Hanging above the table was a long, rectangular mirror, and on top of the table sat a rounded vase with dry flowers positioned delicately within. There was no light on in the small space either, and even though the light was dim in the elevator, her eyes still felt slightly blinded as she stepped into the square chamber. A deep breath of air escaped her mouth as she watched the numbers decline. 3…2…1…L.

The elevator doors slid open smoothly, revealing the grand and luxurious lobby. Drue leaned against a wall, chatting with the doorman. His black shirt clung loosely to his maturing body, creasing and folding diagonally across his stomach. The color of his shirt matched his hair, and he wore equally dark, blue denim jeans. All of the black made his crystal blue eyes stand out like a flower in a desert.  Jen stood in her place just outside the elevator, momentarily mesmerized by the vivid blue. Her stare was interrupted though as Drue caught her out of the corner of his eyes. An instant smile grew on his face, and he turned from the doorman, waving and nodding his head in an upward motion towards her. 

She smiled weakly and began to walk towards him, and he decided to meet her halfway across the room. Drue's eyes wandered up and down her body briefly and quickly, the dark purple fabric fit tightly around her small physique, her hips swiveling involuntarily as she placed each sandled foot on the marble. The brown leather jacket she wore hid the spaghetti straps of her dress, and as Drue's eyes fell back onto her face, he realized she wasn't only hot…she was beautiful; absolutely beautiful. From her delicate skin to her full, pouty lips, golden blonde hair and deep, emotional eyes of hazel, she was the epitome of beauty to Drue. It wasn't only her outsides that were beautiful, he knew, because somewhere in there behind the mask of drugs, alcohol, sex and parties, was a passionate girl with hopes, dreams, and so much more to offer to the world. Suddenly he wished he could see in himself what he saw in her.

Their walk was pretty much a silent one. Drue's mind was far away from the Manhattan streets, settled in a part of him he never let himself think about. It was the part of him that like Jen, wanted something better for himself but hated who he really was too much and loved the person everyone thought he was too much to want to make things better. Most of the time though, he couldn't tell where one ended and the other began. It was a fuzzy and complex line that separated the two, twisting and turning, changing and diverging from its initial origin. For example, one day it would seem like the hidden Drue would peak out of his shell, involuntarily braving the sunlight, and on other days the wise ass, witty, joke cracking, charming jerk would overshadow the compassionate, empathetic, kind and sensitive qualities he had lurking with in. He knew they were there, they came out whenever Jen would start crying or show the faintest sign of weakness, but he didn't think much of them. His parents never showed him any sort of those qualities, and as a result of it he tended to ignore, and even forget that things like that actually existed within him. Believing in himself and thinking he had traits that anyone could actually love, or even like, were foreign concepts to Drue. That was probably because of the lack of affection he received from his parents. They too were egotistical pleasure-seekers who would rather attend a fancy dinner party then sit down at their kitchen table with their fourteen-year-old son. He couldn't remember the last time they asked him how school was, or what he was doing or where he was going. It was always "Shut up, Drue," "I'm too busy to talk to you right now," "Later, please," and "We're disappointed, you can do better." He was neglected, so he sought recourse in the 'finer' things in life: sex, drugs, alcohol, and partying. Drue was one in a crowd of equally rich, over-privileged children with the misfortune of being born to parents who seemed to think that leaving a couple of hundred dollars on the kitchen counter everyday was good parenting. It was a sick and crazy circle he was in, a circle where no one was what they appeared to be, but were deeper, more complex, emotionally damaged and too-experienced-too-young people who were terrified of real life. So they all chose to create lives full of reckless and probably self-damaging experiences, claiming that "this is living," when it was really just a way to hide.       

"Drue?" Jen's voice drove him out of his thoughts.

"Huh?" He said, standing next to her as she stopped walking. 

She turned to him, "Where were you? You seemed like you were off in another world for a minute there."

"Oh…yeah…" Drue scratched his forehead, "Yeah I was just thinking." He looked across the street away from Jen. "Isn't that the building right there?" He pointed across the street at a tall apartment building. The top three flights of windows were dark, except for some colored hazes drifting through the panes. 

Jen glanced down at her feet then across the street. "I think so." She looked both ways before stepping off the sidewalk. 

"Hopefully we'll have some fun." He grinned, trying to lighten his mood. 

"Don't we always?" She grinned back.

"Together, no. Individually, always!" He joked.

Mouth dropping, Jen let out a small chuckle and shoved Drue playfully. "Hey!"

"What!?" He laughed, stumbling to catch his balance in the quiet street. "You know it's the semi-truth."

Jen stepped onto the other sidewalk. "The semi-truth?" She laughed, "That's a new one. I'll make sure to commit it to memory." Her eyes rolled in her sockets. 

Drue chuckled and nodded, pulling open the door to the building. "Ah shut up Lindley." He walked in after her.

"Ah no." She mimicked him.

"What? You dare to disobey ME?" He raised one eyebrow, a wry smile springing up on his face.

"Yeah!" She nodded. 

"Oh that's it…" He moved towards her quickly, sweeping her up off her feet. He held her tightly around her waist and twisted her so she was hanging upside down. 

"Drue!!" She shrieked, squirming in his grasp. "I'm wearing a dress you idiot."

"I know. The view is nice. What is that, Victoria's Secret or Calvin Klein?" He smirked. 

"Put me down!" She laughed, hitting her fists against his upper thigh. 

"Fine, fine…" He rolled his eyes and started lowering her head towards the floor slowly. 

"DRUE!" She shrieked again. "OH MY GOD, STOP IT!" 

Drue let out a large, amused laugh and set her down on her feet softly. Jen smoothed out her hair and yanked down her dress. She looked to him and smiled. "Ok we're done."  She stated and walked towards the elevator. 

"Right," Drue nodded. "No more flirting with Jen Lindley tonight. I got it, cap'n." He saluted playfully.

Jen stopped short, tilting her head towards him, a sideways smile gracing her lips. "You called me Jen again."

Drue's eyebrows rose on his forehead. "That's two for today. Man what's gotten into me. Lazy I guess."

"No, no…" she said softly. "I like it." 

**- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

The only light in the open loft came from colored bulbs and a white strobe light flashing from the table where a local kid played music. Sweaty bodies joined together, hands groping, attempting to move to the techno/electronica music blasting from the speakers in the open space towards the back of the loft. People congregated in the kitchen, downing shots or popping pills. Sex hungry men led women up the winding, iron stairs to dark rooms. Jen stood at the door, looking around. Drue put a hand on her waist from behind her, pushing her forward slightly.

"Keep it going, Jenny. You're holding up traffic." 

"Yeah, yeah" she rolled her eyes and walked in a few feet. She didn't even have to say anything to anyone before she heard someone scream her name.

A tall high school senior stood up on a nearby coffee table, "Attention everyone! The wonderful, beautiful, sexy and oh so very fabulous Jenny has arrived! The party may begin! Now will SOMEONE get this lady a drink?"

Jen laughed and smiled at the guy up on the coffee table. "You're crazy." 

He nodded. "That I don't deny." He jumped down, giving her a hug. 

"Mmm…how was your day Typo?" She hugged him back. Drue glanced between them.

"It was okay. Nothing too great went on. How about you?" 

"Well…I bought this dress." She grinned.

Typo looked her up and down. "Then I'd say it's a good day." 

She laughed. "I guess it is then." 

Suddenly three boys appeared around her, drinks in hands. "For the lovely Jenny…" Greg held a plastic cup out to her. 

Jen took the drink. "Well thanks." She sipped it. 

"Hey, Drue, Typo." He nodded to them. "Uh Drue…Laura was looking for you."

Drue raised his eyebrows curiously. "I like the sound of that…" he rubbed his palms together, smirking.

"Yeah, she sounded pretty adamant on finding you."  

"Ha…" Jen let out and placed the now empty cup on a nearby table. Someone else handed her a drink. She looked to the boy and smiled. Jen was used to this normal, every party procedure.

"What?" Drue looked to her.

"Nothing…she just wants to get with you. She's so predictable."

Drue grinned. "I'm going to go find her." 

"Okay, have fun." She rolled her eyes as Drue disappeared into the crowd.

"Miss Lindley I must say you are looking HOT tonight," Greg circled her, sliding his arm around her stomach. 

"Oh yes," Typo nodded, "the man is right. That dress is…mmm…scorching."

"It would look better on my floor though…" Greg smirked.

Jen laughed and placed her second empty cup down. "Probably." She went along with the joke. She didn't even have to look to her side and another drink was coming her way. Her lips clasped around the brim, the alcoholic liquid sliding into her mouth and down her throat. Greg's eyes fixed on her lips and he licked his own. Then his eyes traveled up and down her body again, this time slowly, savoring the sultry curves. 

"Jenny!" Someone called out from behind her and Jen turned around to identify the voice. 

Her eyes squinted curiously. She didn't recognize the person coming towards her. His skin was tan and eyes a dark blue with short, spiked blonde hair. He had a trim, nicely built physique, very noticeable through the thin white t-shirt he was wearing and slightly baggy jeans hanging low on his body. "Hi." He smiled at her. 

"Hi." Jen smiled back, thinking he was super hot.

"I'm Preston. This is my place and my party…so I thought I'd introduce myself. I've heard lots of great things about you."

"Oh?" Jen smiled, amused.

Preston nodded. "Yeah, like you're so much fun to be around. So, I thought I'd be around you."

She laughed. "Your place is great." Her eyes scanned the space.

"Thanks." He looked around as well. "Do you maybe…want to dance?" 

"Sure. That would be awesome." She downed the rest of the liquid in the cup and gave the empty one to Greg. "I'll see you later." She told him. 

Greg rolled his eyes as Jen and Preston walked away, looking to Typo. "Another night I guess."

"Hey don't lose faith man. She's only dancing with him."

"Yeah yeah…whatever…"

**- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

Drue brushed through the crowds of teens congregating in circles, talking, downing drinks, and smoking all sorts of things. He sipped a can of beer and craned his neck, searching through the masses for Laura, who supposedly was looking for him too. An anticipating smirk grew on his face as he took pleasure in knowing that a sexually attractive and willing girl wanted to speak with him. And maybe he was just making himself think that her desire to find him was sexual, but how could he help it? He was a teenage boy with raging hormones who went to an all boys' high school on 16th Street. It was only on weekends, vacations, and at late night parties that he got to experience the opposite sex, and in turn he took advantage of every opportunity that presented itself. 

Finally, his eyes caught with the ones of the tall brunette. She sat perched on the arm of a soft couch, fingering the edge of the plastic cup in her hand. Tight black pants clung to her legs, and a blue, off the shoulder shirt revealed her flat, salon tanned stomach. A small smile curled on her lips as Drue approached her, and she stood to greet him with a hug and a tender kiss on the cheek.

"You were looking for me?" He asked, finishing his last swig of beer and setting the can down on a nearby table. 

Laura nodded, her large brown eyes seductive and sexy. 

"Do you want to maybe…tell me why?" His brow furrowed slightly at her silence.

"No." She spoke low and soft, inching slowly closer to Drue, "I want to show you." She stared at him, the sudden eagerness in his eyes reassuring to her pursuit. A small grin appeared on Laura's face as she leaned in towards Drue, and he leaned in towards her as well, until finally, they locked in a deep and fiery kiss.

**- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - **

The alcohol was just starting to kick in; she was just starting to feel like herself. She thought this was her true self. The drunk Jen, the partying Jen, and not even Jen at all. "Jenny" that's who she was to these people. A strange part about that was that she often thought of herself as "Jen" and not "Jenny" at all. Her parents called her "Jennifer" and no one at school ever called her Jen, so she kind of wondered why she thought of herself that way. She decided not to dwell on it though as her body moved in sync with Preston's, her backside pushing against his front to the beat of the music, his right hand on her stomach and left hand holding a plastic cup. Jen could feel the alcohol running through her body, it's power invigorating and weakening at the same exact time. Invigorating because of the person that it made her be, and weakening for that reason as well. But she felt like she had no choice. The only thing to do was to drink and party, because otherwise she'd be stuck with her own self-loathing thoughts that would periodically scare her. Sometimes the thoughts that crept into her head late at night while she lay awake in bed or sat in her father's chair in front of the fire were so negative and so extreme that she had to mentally yell at herself and tell herself to think straight. The alcohol made that all go away, temporarily at least. A temporary distraction was better than no distraction at all, she thought as she continued to dance with Preston. She was strangely alert, despite the numerous drinks she had consumed. And that annoyed her, she didn't want to be thinking about that, she wanted to feel free and happy, at least for a little while.

"Hey can you get me another drink?" Jen yelled to Preston over the music.

He let go of her. "Yeah, sure. Want to come with me?"

"Okay." Jen pulled down the hem of her dress, which had ridden up in the dancing process and smoothed out her hair as Preston led her to the kitchen. She stopped suddenly though as she caught two familiar figures out of the corner of her eye. 

Drue and Laura sat on the couch. Well, actually Drue sat on the couch and Laura on his lap. They were making out furiously, his hands running up and down her body repeatedly, hers doing the same to him. For some reason Jen watched them for a moment. It was quite a sickening site, but she stood there in shock. She wasn't sure if it was jealousy or just her current annoyance with Laura, but she suddenly wanted them to stop; she wanted to go over there and yank her away from him. But did Jen want to be the one with him? Did she wish that it were her sitting there on his lap? Before she could answer herself, Preston interrupted her thoughts.

"Jenny? Hello?" He waved a hand in front of her face.

Jen jumped slightly. "Oh man, yeah sorry." She smiled at him.

"What you looking at?"

"Nothing…" 

"Oh okay." He took her hand. "Now let's go get you that drink."

She grinned, "Sounds like a plan…"  She said and proceeded into the kitchen with Preston.

"Pres! Heeeey." A guy nodded to him. 

Preston looked towards the voice and nodded back. "What's up, Jamal?" He reached for two plastic cups.

"Nada." He walked over to him. Jen leaned back against the counter next to Preston, and her eyes quickly surveyed the smooth, sweating, black, skin of Jamal's bare upper half. Tight, toned abs, defined chest, Jen couldn't help smiling.

"Hot?" She asked, commenting on his shirtlessness.

He laughed slightly, glancing down at himself. "Nah…I can't find my shirt actually." Jamal grinned.

Jen laughed, taking the drink that Preston had just made off of the counter, "Oh really? That's got to be an interesting story." She took a large sip, keeping her eyes up on the good-looking teenager.

Jamal shrugged. "Not really. I took it off while I was dancing…threw it somewhere…so now it's missing." 

She nodded. "Oh okay…" The rest of the liquid slid down her throat quickly.

"Woah…" Jamal's eyes widened as he watched Jen drink. "You might want to slow it down there babe."

"Thanks for the advice, Dad." She rolled her eyes, placing the empty cup down behind her on the counter.

Preston slid an arm around Jen's waist, resting his hand on her rear end.  Her face showed no signs of emotion resulting from his action; she didn't care enough to indicate her feelings. Now the alcohol was finally working. She could feel herself turning into the girl everyone knew, and she figured it was time to take advantage of it.


	4. Part 4

**Part 4         **

People whooped, hollered, cheered and whistled at the curvaceous body dancing alone on a table to loud hip-hop music. Fingers ran through her golden blonde hair, pushing the strands back, hiding her part. She closed her eyes as she felt the music run through her body, just like the alcohol in her veins. The yells of admiration coming from the circle of both guys and girls dancing in their places around the dark wooden table gazing up at Jen caused a smile to grow on her face. This was the Jen she loved. This was the Jen she wished she could always be. Her drunken confidence flowed from her just as the sound waves flowed from the blasting, vibrating speakers. She didn't stop dancing or flaunting her good looks, her hips moving in slow, accentuated circles, her hands groping the curves of her own body. 

"Ow ow!" They whooped, chugging down liquid from glass bottles or plastic cups. 

"Why don't you come down here and show me some of that sugar!" Another yelled.

Jen was sweating lightly; pieces of her hair began to stick to the back of her neck. But it was like she didn't even feel it. Her energy was unflagging, her confidence the same. She could see herself up there on that table. With her eyes closed she pictured the way her body was moving, watching herself more then the admiring people that surrounded her. 

That's why she didn't see them join her on the table. What opened her eyes was the feeling of two bodies suddenly pressed up against hers, melting into her movements. A sideways smile formed on her lips, and she raised both of her eyebrows at Preston, who was dancing with her front half, and then she turned and made the same face at Jamal, who was taking pleasure in dancing with her backside.  

"You look so hot," Jamal whispered huskily into her ear then pressed his soft lips lightly against her neck, "We just couldn't watch you anymore; we had to touch you too."

Preston nodded in agreement, running his hands up and down her thighs. "The man is right. The site of you is such a tease, but the feel of you makes it all worth while."

All she did was laugh and smile, then closed her eyes, continuing to dance, but this time making sure to push herself against each of the guys in a very sexual, stimulating fashion. The sight of these two boys dancing with Jen caused the masses surrounding the table to whoop even louder. It seemed that they actually got off on that kind of thing. 

Grinding with Preston and Jamal, Jen felt free and energetic. Up there, she knew she was loved. She knew she mattered and was paid attention to. But at the same exact time, she didn't know that at all. When she was drunk she was in her own world, and even though that world was full of other people, ultimately, it belonged to her, and she controlled everything in it. Sometimes though, she thought that the world itself controlled her. The circle, the people, they cast her in the role of a sexy, confident bombshell whom no one could phase, and sometimes she felt restricted in that role, sometimes she felt that even though this was the girl she loved, that maybe she wanted to be different for once. That wasn't possible though. When the alcohol overtook her, there was only one girl she became; she became the girl dancing up there on that table, the center of attention, the most desired one of them all. It was something she couldn't control. Jen barely knew herself when the alcohol raced through her veins.

Preston and Jamal caught each other's eyes over Jen's shoulder as the three continued to grind to the heavy beat. Without speaking, they planned what they were going to do next, and agreed to share. 

"Do you want to go somewhere private?" Preston whispered seductively into Jen's ear. 

She nodded, her body was screaming for more than just this dance. 

"Okay then…" Preston took her hand as Jamal jumped off the table. Some people made disappointed noises at the ceasing of their dancing. 

Jen grinned at both boys as the three made their way up the winding, black iron staircase. "I get two at once?" She joked.

They nodded. "If that's okay with you, of course." Jamal said, pushing open the door to a large, dark bedroom. 

She laughed and looked around at the king size bed that was blanketed in a deep red comforter. In the darkness the color seemed deeper than it actually was. "It's more than okay." Jen looked between the two. "They always say that two is better then one…now I'll get to find out if it's true." 

Jamal and Preston exchanged smirks. Jamal was the first to make a move, coming up behind Jen and sliding his arm around her stomach, his dark eyes staring into her hazel ones while taking a few steps until he was standing directly in front of her. Preston watched anxiously as Jamal took Jen's head in his hands, leaning into her. With a great force, he pressed his mouth against hers, locking her in a selfish kiss. Jen's body automatically responded to the kiss, stepping closer to Jamal until their stomachs' were touching. 

Preston licked his lips, and then proceeded to make his way behind Jen, placing his hands on her hips before leaning down to suck on a soft portion of the skin on her neck. All the while, she and Jamal still kissed furiously. Preston's hands found their way to the zipper of her dress, and with a fast motion and buzz of the zipper unzipping, a new portion of skin was exposed to the boy. As Jamal and Jen broke from the kiss, her hands began to roam over his defined chest muscles, and his pushed the straps of her dress off of her shoulders and down her arms until the dress fell softly to the floor. 

At this point, Preston turned Jen around and kissed her himself, while Jamal now kissed her neck, his hands caressed the smooth skin of her back and mid-section. But Jen began to feel weak, which was evident in the way her fervent kissing began to slow. Her body suddenly felt heavy, so heavy that she didn't even feel like she could hold herself up.

"I want to lay down…" She whispered weakly, her eyes still shut. The guys didn't take it as a sign of weakness, but rather as an invitation to more. 

"Then you will." Preston picked her up by the waist softly, turned her around in a ballet like motion and set her gently onto the bed. 

Her eyes blinked slowly as she tried to keep them open. Jamal was on top of her now, kissing her lips, neck, shoulders and chest. Jen could feel herself slipping, losing herself, and was powerless against it. She tried with all her might to keep her eyes open, to kiss him back, but the alcohol overtook her, and her eyelids slid shut.

**- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

Drue looked back into the room he had just been in. Laura sat on the bed, redressing. A smirk grew on his face and she looked up and smiled at him. Drue then looked away, zipped his fly, and started towards the metal staircase with a slight bounce in his step that hadn't been there when he first entered the party. Something caught his eye though, and he stopped where he was, peering into the large bedroom through the open crack of the door. Curiosity overtook him, his eyebrows furrowing on his forehead, and he stepped closer to get a better view. At first Drue saw only two guys, and just as he was about to turn around out of pure horror, the girl's body came into view. He squinted now, and inched even closer to the door. She moved only slightly, probably on the verge of passing out. His mouth dropped as more of the girl came into sight; he immediately recognized the body. A surge of anger over took him, and he barged into the room, the knob of the wooden door banging violently and loudly against the wall. 

The half-dressed boys jumped and turned around at the interruption. Drue glanced at the blinking figure on the bed, and then looked back to the two guys. "What the hell are you doing?" His tone was harsh and accusing.

"Who the hell are you to be asking, her boyfriend?"

"Try her best friend." He stormed past the two and towards the bed.

"Don't touch her." Preston ordered.

"Why?" Drue spun around, his eyes tightened. "So you two can proceed to have sex with her while she's passed out? In most states that would actually be considered rape."

"Oh what do you know, kid?" Jamal rolled his eyes.

"Obviously a hell of a lot more than you." Drue picked up Jen's dress off of the floor. "Now get the hell out of here. I'm sure there are other girls for you to take advantage of."

"There probably are." Preston proceeded, staring at Drue. "But she's the one we want."

"Well sorry to ruin your night fellas, but you ain't gonna have her."  Drue turned around and kneeled in front of Jen, beginning to slip the dress back on her over her legs. 

"You don't know who you're dealing with here, bud. It's two against one." Jamal piped in toughly.

"Two against one, right…" He paused. "Is it always that way? Is it always the two of you against some guy, or the two of you against some poor, weak and passed out girl who doesn't know what the hell she's doing? Tell me what pleasure you get from that. What pleasure do you get from kissing somebody who can't even kiss you back?"  He sat on the bed next to a now passed out Jen, lifting her up into a sitting position so he could put her dress back on her. 

The two boys stood there dumbfounded for a moment, picked up their clothing, and then quickly ran from the room. 

Drue sighed as he zipped up Jen's dress and pushed some of her hair away from her face. "Why do you have to do this?" He whispered to her, lifting her sandals from the floor and sliding them on her feet. "Why are you so weak? I don't understand you, Jenny," Drue picked her up gently, cradling her in his arms like a baby, "you've got so much going for you, so much inside that heart, soul, and mind of yours, yet you reduce yourself to this." He walked out of the room and down the stairs, propping her up in his arms every so often. "I guess we're all like you though…" He plucked her leather jacket off of a chair and proceeded towards the door of the loft, "we all need to escape from the negligence of our parents, and feel that the only way to do that is through drugs and sex and all of this other stuff." Drue stepped into the elevator, pressing the button for the lobby. "But you're too innocent for that, Jen," He rethought his words, "Well maybe not too innocent but you're definitely too beautiful." The elevator came to a stop at the bottom floor, and he boosted her up in his arms as he left the building and began to walk down the city street. "Too beautiful and too fragile, too gentle, too damn weak for this shit. You're worth so much more than this life. I don't know why you subject yourself to it. Why I let you subject yourself to it." Drue let out another sigh as he crossed a quiet street. "But who am I to tell you what to do? Only your under appreciated friend who cares way too much. With the way you treat me one would think I would have given up on you by now, but I can't. Only God knows why I can't. What is it about you, Lindley?" He glanced down at her face, her eyes shut, and her hair falling softly over his lower arm. Her chest rose and fell softly as she breathed. "What is it about you that keeps me awake at night? What is it about you that gives me butterflies? And what the hell is it about you that makes me care so much?" Drue pushed a piece of his hair away from his face and proceeded past the doorman of his building who leaned against the wall, snoozing lightly. "Why do you have to be so insecure? I don't get it. You shouldn't be. You should see in yourself what I see in you. You should realize just how much you have to offer the world," The elevator door opened and he stepped in and pressed the number four. "And you should wake up and realize I'm not going to be here forever. One day I'll just get tired of it, one day I'll just stop caring." He reached into his jean pocket, picking out a brass key from her jacket pocket as the elevator doors opened and he stepped out into the small foyer. "And when that day comes I can guarantee that you'll miss it." A breath of air escaped his throat as Drue pushed the door open with his side and placed the key back in the pocket. Using his foot, he shut the door softly behind him. "What am I talking about?" He rolled his eyes and proceeded towards the grand staircase. "I'll never stop caring about you. It doesn't seem to be possible. You'll always weaken me. You'll always have me wrapped around your finger. You won't know it though; you don't even know it now. And maybe it's good that you don't know it, because this way you can't take advantage of your power. Not that you would intentionally, but it would probably happen." Drue pushed Jen's bedroom door open with his back, laid her down on her full sized bed softly and then went over to a chest of drawers positioned in the corner of the room, pulling out some sweatpants and a T-shirt. "Sometimes I think you do appreciate me though. Like today, on the phone." He sat down next to her and slipped her sandals off of her feet, "For a second there I thought you were going to say something serious. Maybe even thank me or something. It was wishful thinking though, of course." Sitting her up again, he pulled the big T-shirt over her head and then reached his hands to her back, unzipping the dress and sliding the straps off of her arms. "You're a real trip, you know that? You get everyone going; you make everyone excited and crazy…and then when you lose your spunk, so does everyone else…except those damn jerks earlier tonight."  Drue then lifted her off of the bed slightly in order to remove the dress and slide the soft sweatpants onto her legs. He zipped up the dress once it was off of her and headed over to her closet. "I couldn't believe them, trying to take advantage of you while you were practically passed out. What the hell would they have gotten from that?" He took an empty hanger from the closet and placed the dress onto it, then hung the dress-clad hanger on the top rod of the closet. "Because I certainly would not have gotten any enjoyment from making out with a half asleep girl. The world is full of sick and crazy people, Lindley," Drue walked back over to her bed and lifted her legs up, pulling her comforters over her as he set her legs back down, "and you have to be careful. You're a good looking girl you know, and bad things seem to happen to good looking girls…." Drue stopped speaking suddenly as he gazed down at Jen. She inhaled and exhaled softly, and Drue was suddenly enthralled with the sound of her breathing. He looked behind him at a chair in the corner of the room, and decided to sit down, still staring and Jen. A deep, long sigh escaped his mouth, and he rested his elbow on the arm of the chair, his cheek in his palm. "Can you tell me just one thing, Jen?" He whispered to the sleeping beauty. "Can you tell me why you can't be strong?" 


	5. Part 5

Part 5 

White beams of sunlight filtered through the silky yellow curtains of Jen's bedroom and hit the side of her face, focusing on her eyes. The light caused her to stir from her slumber and she groaned to herself about wanting to go back to sleep. But she suddenly changed her mind as she saw the blurry figure of an all too familiar teenage boy looking rather uncomfortable as he slept. Jen sat up and rubbed her eyes. A small smile curled on her lips; the sight of Drue was surprising, but comforting. She looked to him then looked down at herself. It didn't take a genius to figure out why he was there and how she was in the state that she was. The sight of him and knowing what he had done for her made her feel really…good.   

"Good morning." She whispered, standing from her bed and stretching. Her hands tugged at the under-wire of her strapless bra, and she groaned at the feeling of the sweat that had formed beneath it over night. Her eyes then returned to the slumbering boy. "What did I do to deserve you?" Jen's voice was soft and almost sad. She gazed at his face, at his worried, uncomfortable expression. "Don't care so much," She whispered and squatted down in front of him, "Please, don't care so much." A gentle hand reached out, and Jen tucked a piece of his dark hair behind his ear, and gave him a tender kiss on his forehead. 

As she started out of her bedroom on her way to the shower, she stopped in her doorway, looked back at Drue, smiled to herself, and continued down the hall.

- - - - - - - - - -

When Drue opened his eyes the first thing he saw was Jen sitting curled up in the corner of her bed, her back leaning against the wall, her feet flat on the mattress and her knees pulled up towards her torso slightly. She held a soft covered book in her hands, and Drue watched her eyes move across the pages for a few moments. Her golden hair was still damp from her shower, and it curled naturally for once. Something about the way the soft ringlets dangled and swayed ever so slightly made Drue want to take a picture of her, just so he could remember her that way forever. It was the most beautiful he'd ever seen her, he thought, so natural, in a state of utter isolation, when she thought nobody was looking, where she could be herself. He couldn't help smiling at the pleasure of her beauty, shifted his position in the chair, and leaned his head to the left, placing his chin in his palm. The sound of his jeans rubbing against the upholstery of the chair jarred Jen from the book she was reading, and she looked to a now wide-awake Drue, who was still smiling.

Jen returned the smile, placing a bookmark in between two pages and setting the book down on the pillow next to her. "How long have you been awake?"                

"Not long." Drue shrugged and stood up with a yawn. He stretched his arms broadly. "You got pretty messed up last night…" He informed her.

She sighed. "Hence your need to put me in my bed." A stressed hand entangled itself in damp locks. 

Drue shrugged again. "I don't understand how you could let yourself get to that point though. Two guys, Jen, two separate guys were taking turns making out with your passed out body. It was sickening." His tone suddenly turned harsh and accusatory. 

"Well I'm sorry that I sicken you." She threw back sarcastically with her hazel eyes now squinted in anger.

He rolled his eyes. "You just don't get it. You never have…you probably never will." Drue started to turn towards her bedroom door. 

"I don't get it!?" She screamed back at him in a questioning tone. "I don't fucking get the shit I put myself through? Is that it Drue? Because you know what? I fucking know, okay? I know what I do to myself and I do it because I want to. You can't stop me. You can try to save me but your attempts are all in vain, because I'm just going to keep doing it, I'm just going to keep being me…"

"Keep being you!" He interrupted, spinning around towards her again. "You are no one Jen, or should I say Jenny. This Jenny girl isn't you. Sure it's always been who you appear to be to everyone, but they're not the ones who carry you three blocks and put you in your bed at night, they're not the ones who see you like I just did, reading, like a normal human being. So don't you fucking tell me my attempts to save you are in vain, because believe me I get no pleasure out of it besides for the fact of knowing you're alive and safe." Drue managed to make his last sentence sound harsh even though the words it contained were some of the nicest Jen had heard in her entire life.

"What are you hiding?" Her tone softened. Her eyes turned inquisitive. 

"What?" His defenses jumped up. "I'm not hiding anything I'm just saying—"

"Then why do you care so much?" Jen interrupted him. 

Drue swallowed. "Look, Jenny…I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong idea here but things are purely platonic between us…they've always been that way. I don't know what I did to make you think something changed—"

"Oh, no I didn't think that at all." She shook her head, closing her eyes. A sudden and unexpected wave of disappointment ran through her at his words. "What made you think I thought that?"

He shrugged again, meeting his eyes with hers. "I don't know, I mean, you—"

"I asked you why you cared because I just don't understand it. I wasn't even thinking it was a—ya know…romantic thing." Jen scratched a spot on the side of her head, dropping her eyes from Drue's. 

"Oh okay." Drue nodded, stuffing his hands in his jean pockets and looking back at Jen. "Good cause that would just be really…weird then." 

Jen swallowed. "Yeah…kinda awkward, wouldn't ya say?"

Drue managed to let out a fake chuckle. "Yeah, way too awkward."

"And we wouldn't want that, now would we?" She asked sweetly, but it was more like a statement than a question. Her hands found their way into the pouch on the front of her long sleeved, black shirt and pushed the fabric outwards nervously. Why did saying this hurt so much all of a sudden? Why did her heart feel let down as he said things were purely platonic between them?

"No." He shook his head. "No of course not." 

Their dialogue was soft and falsely confident. Like a bolt of lightening, they were both hit with new feelings, desires, and attractions. What was the newest though, to Jen at least, was that these feelings, desires, and attractions were for Drue. It finally became obvious to her just how much he really cared, and it touched her heart. It shook her soul. It brought her defenses down and her respect and admiration for Drue up. But he didn't care quite enough, she guessed, because if he did he'd want something more than friendship. She stared at him for a few moments, and pictured herself kissing him, pictured herself loving him. 

"Jen?" Drue questioned, raising his brows.   
 

She blinked, snapping out of her stare immediately. "Yeah?"

"You seemed like you were really out there for a second." 

A small giggle escaped from her throat. "Oh…" She ran a hand through her hair. "I didn't even notice. Sorry about that."

"It's no problem." Drue met his eyes with hers. He licked his lips and dropped his gaze to the floor, then looked back up at Jen. "I guess I should get home…you know…shower and change my clothes…"

Jen laughed. "Yeah…you should definitely go do that. I can smell you from here." She joked, a sideways smile growing on her face.

Drue rolled his eyes. "Thanks for the compliment."

"Anytime." She smirked.

"Okay…yeah…so…see ya Lindley." Drue started out of Jen's room, glancing back at her over his shoulder as he left.    

- - - - - - - - - -

The stinging sensation of the hot water pounding on Drue's back began to feel comforting after a few moments. At least the physical pain would temporarily distract his emotional anguish, he thought with a sigh. Even that was not enough though. Soon he didn't even feel the pain of the burning water pounding his skin. 

What was it about her that had him so enthralled? And why couldn't he tell her? 

The answer to the latter was suddenly simple. He knew Jen didn't care. It was like she almost resented the fact that he cared and worried about her. At least it seemed that way to him. 

- - - - - - - - - -

Jen's eyes moved across the pages of her book faster than usual. Her eyes were reading the words but her mind wasn't putting them together to mean anything. She could only think about Drue. Exasperated, she sighed and closed the book. 

She wondered why he cared, but then she wondered why he didn't care just a little bit more. Just a little more, she wished. She wished he would just step over that line from friendly concern to the realm of something more. These feelings were coming at her with such a sudden force that she didn't know how to deal with them. Her eyes shut slowly as an anguished hand moved up to cover her face, her fingertips resting softly right above her eyebrows.

- - - - - - - - - -

He wanted to tell her so badly. Keeping these feelings inside of him actually hurt. It was worth the pain though, he thought, because having anything with her was better than nothing. That's what Drue thought would happen. He thought that if he revealed his feelings to Jen, it would ruin everything. She would retreat from him due to the awkwardness that comes with knowing a friend has more than platonic feelings for you. If he couldn't have her love he'd have her friendship.

Friendship, right. It was a rare moment in which he actually felt gratitude coming from her way. If he could get one thing and only one thing from Jennifer Lindley in his entire lifetime, he'd want it to be that. He'd want it to be some thankfulness for every time he saved her ass. Drue shut his eyes and leaned his forehead against the slick stone that lined the shower wall. The water still pounded on his back.

- - - - - - - - - -  

Jen opened her eyes and slid down from her sitting position until her head fell softly onto one of her large down pillows. This longing she was feeling was so new that it was making her restless. She tossed, turned, and banged her forehead against her mattress a few times in an attempt to get Drue off her mind. It wasn't working.

There was something she wanted to tell him, and it wasn't that she thought she was becoming hopelessly infatuated with him. Alternatively, she wanted to tell him how much he meant to her, as her friend. She wanted to let him know that even though it didn't seem like it, she was grateful for every single little thing he did for her. All the way from bringing her home at night down to letting her eat the last few pieces of popcorn when they were watching a movie.

How was she supposed to say it though? "Thank you." Just like that? It seemed too simple.

- - - - - - - - - - 

Drue rubbed a dry, thick, gray towel on his wet hair before wrapping it around his waist. He wiped some water vapor that had condensed on the mirror away with his hand and looked at himself. Studying his reflection, Drue wondered what exactly it was about him that Jen couldn't love. Maybe he had broken her trust too many times or made one too many snide remarks. He had lied to her, and manipulated the people around him in order to keep her close to him. He had made her cry, embarrassed and put her down enough to even make him want to break down in tears.     

But despite all the times he messed up, despite all the low actions, there was never a moment in which he didn't care about her. His odious behavior was a defense mechanism. He had to hide how he really felt. 

Now all of that seemed pointless though. Drue suddenly loved her too much to want to hurt her in anyway and realized that all the pain he had caused her in the past, was causing the pain he was feeling now.

Drue shrugged. What's goes around comes around, he thought.

- - - - - - - - - -

One would think Jen would hate Drue with a passion by now. With all of the horrible things he had done to her, why should she see the nice side of him?

He always looked out for her. That's why. He saved her time and time again. No matter how evil he had been before, his kindness and caring made up for all of it. Jen wondered why he had two faces. She wondered why he was sometimes the biggest jerk alive, and then turned around and put her in her bed at night. He told her she was worth more then gave her all the opportunities to do less. And then he'd look at her with his crystal blue eyes. With a slight sparkle and keen sincerity, his eyes would tell Jen that not only did he care about her but he was sorry for every time he didn't.

She cared about him too. Jen wondered if he knew that.


	6. Part 6

Part 6

Yellow daylight made the green grass glow in Central Park. A slight breeze hit Jen's face as she lay sprawled out on the lawn. Her tight black t-shirt rode up, revealing a small portion of her stomach. A small red duffle sat next to her on the grass along with a pair of expensive sandals. Her pedicured toes raked through the lush turf. It was an abnormally warm fall day. Jen's short jean skirt fell in the middle of her thighs. The sun illuminated her salon-tanned skin as she reveled in the busy quiet that surrounded her. Her eyes were shut and she fell into a light half-sleep.

A tall boy let out an ironic chuckle as he saw the figure in the grass, and stopped walking on the concrete path that went through the park. In his mind, he debated whether or not to go over to her. 

Jen jumped as she felt a foot push against her side lightly. "Jesus Drue…" She pushed her sunglasses up on her head, "Are you stalking me or something?"

Drue laughed and squatted next to her. "Hardly. I was just taking a walk and happened to come across you. Thought I'd disturb you, ya know, just for the fun of seeing you become all hot and bothered."

"Bothered, yes." She retorted, "Hot, never around you." A sideways smirk grew on her face.

"Ooooh…" He chuckled, "That hurts," Drue put a hand to his heart, "Right here." 

"Good." Jen raised her eyebrows at him, "Because that's where it was supposed to hurt."

Drue laughed a little again. "So what are you doing laying in the middle of Central Park all by yourself?"

"Just relaxing," She leaned back on her hands, "It's gorgeous out today. I thought I'd take advantage of the weather. Before we know it it's going to be cold and all sorts of nasty."

"That's true." He sat down next to her. "There's nothing like New York City on a bleak and gray day."

"Or on a magnificently sunny day either. Sometimes it's nice to just sit here and watch all the people…because even as your life is standing still for those moments, there's still so much going on around you. People have places to go, things to do, people to see. It really makes you wonder." Jen's eyes were focused on a couple walking hand in hand in the distance.

"Wonder what?" Drue inquired, looking at the side of her face.

"Wonder what all of these people are doing. If you sit and watch long enough all sorts of questions come to mind. You start to think about why we're here and what the purpose of it all is." 

"Jenny I don't think I've ever seen the philosophical side of you before." He smirked.

"Well enjoy it while you can," She replied sardonically, "It doesn't like going out to play."

There was a silence between the two of them. They both thought of the same thing: how crazy they were about each other. She wouldn't mention it though and neither would he. He couldn't know, Jen thought. There was no way he was going to give his feelings away, Drue decided. Simultaneously, they let out a breath of thoughtful air. 

Their heads immediately shot around towards one another, greeting each other with a smile. 

"What?" Drue asked.

"That was really weird." Jen replied. "What were you thinking about?"

"Nothing really. Just contemplating your musings." He fabricated quickly.

"Oh." She nodded. "Me too. I mean, I was contemplating my own musings." They both laughed.

"So what's on your agenda for this lovely Sunday?" Drue asked, keeping the conversation going.

"A grueling two hour work out with my devilish personal trainer. My mom is such a bitch about that. I have to go six days a week, one or two hours a day. She couldn't have her daughter being fat, now could she?" Jen rolled her eyes. 

"Hey it's paid off." He grinned as his eyes scanned her body. 

"Yeah but sometimes I just want to sit on my ass all day and eat ten Mr. Frostee's." 

Drue laughed. "That sounds…great. Sickening, but great." 

"I'm lucky if I can have one every three weeks. Oh well." Jen shrugged. "The poor little rich girl routine is even annoying me, and I'm the one conducting it."

"Why don't you just stop going?"

"Cause Daddy pays five thousand dollars a year for gym membership and another ten for my lovely trainer. He makes more then that in a day but of course still complains about it. Selfish bastard."

"My parents pay the same. It's insane." He pushed some hair away from his face in the wind.

"Not so much the price but the way they make such a big deal about it." 

"Yeah that's it." 

Jen glanced at Drue. "Ya know maybe you should go more often, flatten out that chub of yours." She poked his virtually fat-less stomach playfully. 

"Maybe you should eat those Mr. Frostee's, put some meat on your bones."

"Why so you can make fun of me?"

"And so you can give all of those guys something to hold onto. How anyone can manage to have sex with you is beyond me. You'd think they were going to break you." He smirked.

"Want me to prove you wrong?" She raised her eyebrows.

"Jennifer Lindley did you just offer to have sex with me?" He questioned. 

"What?" She realized what she had said. "No!"

"You wanted to prove me wrong. Sounded like a sex offer to me. Do you take cash, check, or plastic for your services?" 

"Fuck you." Jen rolled her eyes.

"Gladly." Drue winked at her. 

"Oh my G-d shut up." She pushed him down onto the ground. 

Drue fell with a soft thud and let out a laugh. "So when should we do this?" He questioned.

"Do what?" Jen forgot for a moment.

"Have sex!" 

"Um how about never?"

"What!? Come on you can't do this to me." 

"Why not?"

"Because it's not fair. Every other guy gets a taste of you. And what do I get? Nothing. I'm the one who used to chase you around the Hamptons when we were two years old. Your old buddy Drue. Remember him? The one you used to take baths with?" 

Jen laughed. "Vaguely."

"Aw come on Jenny. I've already seen you naked." He joked. 

"Sorry Drue. That's not happening again." 

"Damn." He snapped his fingers and shook his head. "At least I tried." 

"I think I'll give that one an…8.5." She smiled. 

"8.5? That was so worth at least a nine." 

Jen rolled her eyes. "Yeah, whatever you say." Drue grinned widely at her. Jen lay down next to Drue, turning her head to face him. "So you and Laura, huh?" She questioned.

"How'd you hear about that?" He replied.

"She called me, told me all the rather gruesome details." 

Drue sat up now. "Really? What'd she say?" He became curious.

"More than I wanted to know I can tell you that much."    

Drue laughed a little. "I bet it turned you on." He smirked.

"Oh yeah, that's it. I was so turned on as Laura gave me a play by play recount of your little rendezvous." She rolled her eyes and sat up next to him. Truthfully, as Laura explained everything that had happened she didn't feel jealous but rather sad. It wasn't only that Jen wanted to be the one with him, but it was also that she didn't want Laura to be the one with him. It wasn't even a matter of sex, really. It was a matter of general affection and attention. She wanted his attention; she loved it, and if he was devoting himself to someone else, that attention couldn't be hers.

"Come on you know you want me." Drue joked.

"I do not." She stated. 

"Yes you do." He looked at her deeply, moving his face towards hers.

"No I don't." She laughed as she watched him.

"Yes you do." He repeated huskily. "You want me so much you can hardly contain yourself." Drue stared into her eyes.

"Right you keep telling yourself that." She laughed nervously, diverting her eyes from his.

"You mean to tell me that I don't have you totally smitten?" He wrapped an arm around her stomach, inching closer and closer. Drue was just joking around with Jen because he knew there was no chance in hell she really wanted him.

Jen would continue to play his game. If she didn't he might figure out the truth. "Yup." 

"How," he began to lay her down on the grass slowly, "is that humanly possible?" 

"Maybe because Drue Valentine isn't human?" She shot at him with a twinkle in her eye. 

"Oh now you're gonna get it Lindley." Drue began to tickle her furiously. 

Jen squirmed and laughed in pain. "Stop!" He didn't. Jen escaped out of his grasp, turning over quickly and pinning him to the ground. She smirked at him from above.

"Don't think you're going to win that easily." He turned her over on to the ground again. 

"Don't think I'm going to give up." 

They continued to wrestle like that for a minute or two. Tired and out of breath, Drue landed on top of her finally. They both panted slightly, their chests rising and falling at the same rapid speed. All of a sudden Drue leaned in and kissed her furiously, sticking his tongue down her throat.

Jen pushed Drue off of her with a force that sent him falling backwards with a large thud. "Drue that was so not cool!" She shrieked, gagging playfully.

In light of their previous conversation, the kiss didn't give anything away. It had no meaning, even to him. But that didn't mean he didn't want to really kiss her. If he was going to kiss her it wouldn't be like that, he thought. It would be sweet, slow, and passionate. Drue let out a long laugh as he still lay on the ground. "Sorry, I just had to do it. The moment was so right." He continued to laugh.

"That was sick. I need to brush my teeth a million times, then get a new toothbrush." She joked. "Can't you ever contain yourself?"

Drue pondered that for a moment. "Umm…no." 

She laughed. "Oh G-d I should have known that with out even having to ask…" Jen smiled at him. She knew that the kiss was playful and that it meant nothing, but feeling just that made her long for a real, emotion driven kiss from Drue even more. A silence suddenly came between the unrequited lovers. The only sound was their rhythmic breathing. Jen broke the stinging hush. "Can I ask you something, seriously?" She questioned.

Drue's expression turned sincere, his eyes curious and caring. He scooted closer to Jen on the grass. 

"Am I really…messed up? I mean, do I need help?" She asked seriously.

Drue shrugged. "I think we all do. We're all pretty messed up."

"But me, specifically." 

"I think you need some confidence, that's what I think."

"I have confidence." She defied him.

"Right, when you've got four beers packed away." 

"What is that supposed to mean?" Her eyes tightened.

"It means just that. The day to day Jen Lindley is not the girl who dances and parties shamelessly in front of tons of people. You're only confident when you're drunk." Drue told her sternly.

She turned her face away from his, thought for a moment, then looked back. "Maybe I like it that way…maybe I enjoy the way it feels."

"You mean you enjoy being two different people?"

"Who are you to talk about being two different people Mr. I'm A- Jerk-To-You-then-Put-You-In-Your-Bed-At-Night? You have two faces sometimes and it's so sickening."

"Why are you trying to turn this into a fight about me? We're talking about you here."

"Fine." She gave in.

"You asked me what you thought. I was just telling you the truth. Sorry if it offended you."

"It did not offend me…" Jen stated clearly. 

Drue let out a sigh. "You know, despite all the times I have been a jerk to you, I do care, Lindley. You may not believe me but it's the truth."

Jen brought her eyes up to his. They locked. "I know." She blinked. 

Drue nodded and looked to his side. "Now that we got that out of the way…"

"Hey." She grabbed his arm, forcing Drue's eyes back in her direction, "Thanks for that." 

A small, satisfied smile grew on Drue's face. He nodded slightly, acknowledging her long overdue thanks. The tension disintegrated quickly.

"Sometimes I feel so…" She groped for the right word, "so desperate. I receive no love or affection at home so I have to find it elsewhere. You know…in sex, alcohol, and drugs. They make me happy and give me the love and affection I need…for a few moments. Then I'm thrown back into the reality of that big, cold house filled with nothing but material possessions and two self-centered aristocrats who make the place feel even chillier. So I go straight for the things that warm me up. You do the same. You know exactly how I feel." 

Drue was surprised at her confession, but he was glad to be hearing all of it. "I do…" He nodded slowly. "That I will admit. But sometimes you have to take a step back and realize what you do have.  We have a hell of a lot more than so many people."

"Yes but I'd give it up in a second just to feel some happiness." She said back. "Material things are just that, material. They can't tuck you in at night or show you any sort of affection. Having something can make a person happy but can't make a person feel happiness. Happiness can only come from other people, from what other people give to you. It comes from their emotions and feelings, and not from the bracelet dangling on my wrist or the bag hanging from my shoulder." She sighed, "I don't know…sometimes I just wish…" She trailed off.

"You wish?" He questioned at her silence. 

"I don't know. I just want something different."

"A different life."

"A different everything!" Jen turned her face to his quickly, her golden and now straight locks whipping around with the motion of her head.       

 Drue paused as they looked into each other's eyes for a moment. He began speaking slowly, softly, but firmly at the same time. "Did it ever occur to you that maybe you don't have to wish for a different everything? That maybe it's all in your power, and that you can change it if you want to so badly?"

Jen's face dropped in annoyance. "That's such bull Drue, you know that. How can I change the fact that my parents make me do all sorts of things I don't want to just so their social status can remain pristine? How can I change what I haven't even chosen for myself?"

"Okay maybe you can't change those things, but you can change others. You don't have to live the life you do. If you hate it so much you don't have to party, drink, do drugs and sleep around. The only one who's making you do that is yourself, Jen! And if you want something different so badly, then it's also you who can create that difference." He told her with pleading confidence. "You are worth so much more than what you put yourself through. Your potential overwhelms and your beauty, inside and out, can shine so much brighter if you just let yourself make this difference. If you give yourself power over your own life, if you don't let your parents and your addictions hold you back, you can have that everything you're craving. Whatever…it may be." He slowed on his last few words as he realized not only all the words he had just said to Jen were not only for her, but also for himself. 

Tears brimmed in her eyes and she swallowed the lump in her throat. He was so right. As Drue told her how much potential she had and how beautiful she was with a caring desperation in his eyes, Jen could feel herself falling, falling fast and hard for none other but Drue Valentine. "But…but…" She sniffled and wiped a falling tear quickly, "but how do I do that?" She asked, her eyes still stuck on his.

Drue swallowed. He too felt like he was moments away from tears. Right then Drue just wanted to embrace her, to hold her and tell her that he loved her. "You have to be strong." He whispered, their eyes never straying. 

Jen's throat grew tight and she shook her head. "I don't know if I can do that, Drue." Her voice was uneasy. "I don't know…"

"You have to know." He pleaded. "And you CAN do that. You can be strong. You WILL be strong. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, and maybe not next week…" Drue lifted her chin gently with his hand in order to look into her eyes, "but it will happen. You'll be strong, Jen. I promise." 

A tear filled laugh escaped her mouth and she lowered her head onto Drue's shoulder for a second, and lifted it up, smiling. "Where in the world did that just come from?" She wiped a tear away. 

Drue shrugged and chuckled. "I don't know."

"Well wherever it came from, thank you." Their eyes met yet again. 

Drue wanted to kiss her at that moment, and for about a second he actually considered doing it. 

She wanted him to kiss her. She wanted to kiss him. With all he just said to her one would think he didn't only think of her as a friend. As his eyes diverted from hers though, she got a sense that he did consider her 'just a friend'. "So will you one day." Jen said after a short silence.

Drue looked to her, questioning. "Huh?"

"One day…" Her voice was soft, "one day we'll both be strong."

Drue blinked and nodded ever so slightly, a small toothless smile grew on his face. Again, their eyes locked. They seemed to be mesmerized by the contrast of the hazel and vivid blue. They told each other secrets with out speaking. So many secrets except, of course, the one both wanted to hear. 

Jen snapped out of their stare suddenly. "Oh G-d what time is it?" She stood up quickly, sliding her feet into the sandals on the grass.

"Um…3:45," Drue glanced at his watch then stood up next to her as she picked up her duffel and slung it over her shoulder. "You have to go?"

"Yeah…" She said, slowing down. 

"Oh, ok." He nodded, disappointed. 

"I'll…call you later." Jen hesitated. 

"Sounds good to me." He tried to regain a normal tone.

"Okay then." There was an unfamiliar uneasiness in their goodbye. Maybe it was because neither wanted to say it. Jen began to turn from Drue slowly, but they kept their eyes on each other until her back was finally facing him. She took in a deep breath as she began to walk towards the West Side, letting the air out with a slow sadness. He had told her that she would be strong. Jen wondered how he knew this and why he thought this. What did he see in her that she could not see inside of herself?  Then yet again she was asking herself why he could not see just a little bit more, and why he could not see the part of her that he could fall in love with. For a second she thought that maybe he was doing the same as her, hiding his true feelings. She shook her head, dismissing the thought quickly. Suddenly she wished she were strong like Drue said she would be, because that way she could actually reveal her longing, so that her pining would no longer be pining, but something else. Maybe even mutual admiration. Again she shook her head. It was wishful thinking, Jen knew. 

The sun shone brightly on the side of her face and she pulled her sunglasses down over her eyes. It was warm but the air smelled of autumn and the changing colors of the leaves. Each year she watched the leaves go through a transformation, changing from green to fiery orange, blood red or yellow like the sun, then to brown, and she watched them fall softly to the ground, blanketing the paths and the fields of the park. It was so natural, the way the leaves changed. It was so easy. She was envious of the leaves and the way they could transform so effortlessly. She wanted to be like a leaf, so she could become strong without a thought. But were the leaves really strong? Jen wondered. They fell to the ground, eventually. But at least they had the power to change. Change to something, even though in the end their fate was to drift to the streets of the city, they could revel in the brightness of their colors for days or weeks. If she could be strong, even for one day, she would revel in it, and her true colors would be bold and bright. She could not find this strength though. Maybe it existed within herself, like Drue said, but maybe she needed a push to make her find it. Something…or…someone…Drue; it hit her suddenly. Her strength could come from Drue. Now only if she could find the power to tell him how she felt. It was suddenly a no win situation. But Jen would never reveal her feelings to him. They would stay pent up inside of her until they slowly faded away, as a little girl's dream of being a princess is gradually replaced with the harsh dilemmas of adolescence.

Drue watched her go and let out a tragic sigh. He pictured himself running up to her, spinning her around, and before she could ask him what he was doing, he'd kiss her with so much passion and emotion she would be knocked off of her feet. There was no way he could do that though, because as he visualized himself kissing her he also saw himself being forcefully pushed down onto the hard concrete path.  He thought about what she had said. "One day, we'll both be strong." They both would be strong, he knew. As Drue saw Jen stop on the horizon line and peer back at him, he was sure that neither of them would ever forget the conversation they had that day. It would never be discussed again, but it would remain close to their hearts. And as they walked in separate directions, they both knew that ultimately, their strength would come from each other.             


End file.
